Cheflebrity Smörgåsbord: I Want My HDTV


(Artist’s rendering of what Food Network looks like on my new television.)

Dear Comcast,

I know a lot of people give you a hard time, bit I don’t think you’re so bad.  My service is pretty reliable, any problems I’ve had have been addressed quickly and accurately, and it’s cool living in Lawrenceville, New Jersey, where I get both New York and Philly stations (I’m impossible to get off the couch on football Sundays).  And I was really excited when I bought a new HD television so that I could start watching those HD signals that you run.

However, while my wife is thrilled to be able to watch Toddlers and Tiaras in stunning high definition, I’ve found the lack of Food Network in HD to be quite disappointing.  You see, when they first announced that Food Network would be broadcasting in HD, I dreamed of the day when I would upgrade my unit, experience succulent dishes in amazing clarity and come one step closer to Emeril’s mythic “smell-o-vision.”  And yet here I am with my snazzy new set and no HD signal with which to decipher the hidden messages in Guy Fieri’s tattoos.

Look, I know it takes a while to roll this stuff out, but anything you can do to fast-track HD Aida Mollenkamp would be greatly appreciated.



Remember, the smörg always comes to you in the highest possible resolution.

– Padma insists that the odds aren’t stacked against women on Top Chef, but I do find the unusual requirement that all female cheftestants be both barefoot and pregnant to be a bit unfair.

– Here’s an article that includes the words “Jamie Oliver” and “testicles.”  Bon appetit!

After the jump…a double dose of awesome news from Paula Deen and Duff Goldman wants to entertain your daughter.

– Could a talk show featuring both Paula Deen and Kate Gosselin be coming?  Yes.  Also on its way, shortly after that program debuts:  The opening of the Seventh Seal.

– Speaking of Paula, there’s a chance her cast iron pans may explode and kill you (before her recipe for deep-fried lard balls has a chance to induce cardiac arrest).

– Duff Goldman is endorsing a cake decorating kit for young girls.  Roman candle and acerbically witty receptionist sold separately.

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  • Summer September 17, 2009  

    It’s pretty obvious to me that the top 5 competitors on Top Chef are the Volt Bros, Mike from Zaytinia, Kevin the Red, and Ripert’s girl Jennifer. Jennifer is the only female in the game who stands a chance of making it to the finale. I can’t see Laurine or any of the other women making a Carla-style comeback… not necessarily because they don’t have the ability to improve, but just because the competition for those top three spots is fierce.

    Unless the Magical Elves DELIBERATELY chose female chefs that they knew would be weaker, I’m not going to consider it gender bias. You might as well argue that there is discrimination against people who aren’t named Voltaggio!

  • Michael Cook September 17, 2009  

    To be honest 90% of the stuff on Food Network HD is stretched 4:3 and not actual HD, so you aren’t missing much.

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