Quotable Brooklyn


I love living in Brooklyn. I also love writing about food. But as much as these two things are major parts of my life, you’ve got to admit people can get pretty over-the-top and ridiculous about both of them. Sometimes you just have to laugh at how seriously people can take food, and the same goes for Brooklyn. If you don’t remember how preposterous it all is, you’ll end up losing your job because you’ve spent too much time protesting outside City Hall against oppressive home beekeeping regulations or the lack of community herb gardens in Bed-Stuy. Of course, you probably didn’t have a job to begin with, because obviously you’re a freelancer/amateur gourmet food producer, like everyone.

Four times a year, we get a chance to laugh at the place where the pomposity of food writing and the pretentiousness of living in Brooklyn collide — Edible Brooklyn, a magazine dedicated to “celebrating the borough’s food culture, season by season.” I’ve picked out the ten most amazing/ridiculous quotes from the current issue of Edible Brooklyn and reproduced them below. Yes, people actually said/wrote all of these things, and they were all completely serious.

PS — Just to make it fun, I included one quote that I made up myself. Can you guess which one is too ridiculous to be real?

1. “The pair wanted to serve a draft beer with their sustainably sourced dogs, of course, but not just any ordinary laissez-faire lager. Like their all-beef, natural casing, custom-made franks, which are crafted in Rochester by an Austrian butcher—they wanted a quaff made with attention to every quirk.”

2. “We make our own sodas using housemade syrups and a seltzer system that has to be seen to be believed—the water gets filtered, then chilled three times, then carbonated—it comes out so fizzy it hurts to drink it.”

3. “There’s a huge fermentation craze going on, so I bought this delicious organic sauerkraut, which has yet to be opened. I bought it like three weeks ago. At some point I should probably eat that.”

4.  “Like everyone else in Park Slope, I’m addicted to kombucha.”

5. “His wife—whom he met in a tavern—suggested they open a comic-themed bar serving affordable drinks.”

6. “You can’t get the smell into the camera, that’s a shame. Did you get pictures of the lemons? I have a big Meyer lemon agenda.”

7. “You might not believe this, but I can remember a time when you had to bike halfway across Fort Greene to find a decent stick of organic butter.”

8.  “I read that you should eat jellyfish because they’re, like, taking over the world. So last night I was at a Chinese restaurant and ordered jellyfish and I was like, ‘Ugh! I have to eat this because it’s taking over the world! It’s just gross.”

9. “Currently unemployed (he recently wrapped a season of CSI) he is now known as ‘the bacon guy’ to new friends.”

10. “I do really love canned salmon. I’m a big fan of this stuff because I think it might be better for the environment for some reason. I don’t know why I think that.”

UPDATE: Answer revealed here.

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  • Britannia July 28, 2009  

    BS- I’m going to say #9 was your addition.

    #10 just cracks me up!

  • Maids July 28, 2009  

    I think 8 is the funniest, though #7 is a close second.
    And I think Brit’s probably right about #9 being yours, especially if you wanted to give loyal ESers a clue by making it about bacon….

  • Lara July 28, 2009  

    all of them are so great! having a hard time deciding which one is yours. right off, #1 almost sounds like it can’t be for real. then, there’s #2: ‘so fizzy it hurts to drink’. only to finish strong with #7, 8, 10. outrageous…

    thanks for reminding me to laugh at all of the pomposity!

  • Brian July 28, 2009  

    Love it.

  • Gabrielle Langholtz July 28, 2009  

    I’m the editor of Edible Brooklyn, the main person responsible for, as you say, “the place where the pomposity of food writing and the pretentiousness of living in Brooklyn collide” and I am laughing out loud! To be fair, 5 of your 9 quotes are from one interview, a musician’s stream-of-thought quips about what’s in her fridge. But the point is right on – you nailed us! Well done. PS The fake line is #7 right–or is it #9? I’ve already forgotten!

  • Bliz July 28, 2009  

    my money is on #9 as well. the bacon betrayed you BS!

    Also, everyone I know in NYC has loved this post so far

  • kate July 28, 2009  

    I thought it was #1, until I realized that “sustainably sourced dogs” wasn’t referring to man’s best friend.

  • Nick July 28, 2009  

    “The water gets filtered, then chilled three times, then carbonated..”

    I don’t drink anything that isn’t chilled at least 4 times. Between the third and fourth chill time… that’s when the magic happens.

  • Jimbo July 28, 2009  

    I’m going with 7, because the others are too weird to be fake. (Although #2 is a puzzler — why does water need to be chilled three times? Isn’t once enough?)

  • Melissa July 28, 2009  


  • mike July 29, 2009  

    Being born and raised in Brooklyn i can remember a time when you had to bike halfway across Fort Green to get away from the three crackheads trying to steal your bike in Fort Green Park. Times have definitely changed.

  • erica July 29, 2009  

    i’m with nick

  • La Morgan July 29, 2009  

    I’ll give three cheers to whomever manages to make a dirty quip about the “big Meyer lemon agenda.” Seriously, AGENDA??

  • gotard July 29, 2009  

    when are you posting the answer? …I must vote 7 because I just can’t stand the thought of someone saying that…

  • Russell July 29, 2009  

    Pretty phucking phunny.

    I vote for #1 as yours.

    “Quaff…quirk.” That’s the kind of stuff only a writer writes.


  • Alex July 30, 2009  

    @ Russell – have to point out that everyone in Fort Greene is a freelance writer/ graduate of a liberal arts school/ hobby blogger with painfully snarky vocabulary.

  • Ciss July 30, 2009  

    Fantastic! Gotta be #7

  • Tim July 31, 2009  

    Haha! …so glad I flipped thru Edible Brooklyn while I was at your place last weekend. I was seriously wondering, “Why the hell would he underline that this woman is addicted to Kombucha?” <3

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