But, seriously people. I don’t care what they call an Irish Car Bomb in Ireland, what’s actually in a good martini, or who actually invented Coke or Pepsi MAX. This article was taking American stereotypes and assigning consumables to them for the sole sake of humor. No one’s treading on your culture or interests, or trying to second guess how much alcohol you can drink. Take the damn article for what it’s worth. Laugh or don’t and keep stumbling.

Real Merkin men–the kind with testicles hanging heavy and low–like the kind of mixed drinks only a real Merkin man would consider touching with him big, manly, truck-drivin’ hands.

Man drinks. Drinks like “Fucking Whiskey,” “Whiskey and Whiskey,” “Double Whiskey,” and “Get that fucking monkey away from my whiskey or I’ll bash in his little skull with lime.”