Friday Fuck Ups: Bad Avocados?


Just look at that lovely picture above. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

I know you are thinking to yourself, what is something like that doing on Friday Fuck Ups? How could something fried suck so much? Add the fact that what is inside that fried oil casing is avocado and feta cheese.

Hate to break your collective hearts, but these were downright terrible. The complete sad tale after the jump.

This all began several months back with a moment of inspiration that deserved a light bulb over my head if anything ever has. “What if we fry up some avocado balls?!?” I blurted to Gansie. Her eyes lit up, the scheming began. Avocado is pretty sticky I reasoned, bread crumbs should stick nicely. Gansie had a great idea to add some feta, as she loves to do with her guacamole.

When the time came to actually turn our invention into reality, we went with panko mixed with salt and pepper, and egg (see below)


Just like breading anything else, we balled the avocado, brushed with egg, and covered in panko. In the end, the egg was really unnecessary, as the panko stuck just fine to the alligator pear on its own.


After a 2 minute bath in boiling hot oil, they were crispy and we were ready to gorge.

Well, they were crispy on the outside. Word to the wise, there is a reason guacamole is served cold. Warm avocado is gross. It looks like the slime they dumped on those kids in Double Dare. It probably tastes about the same, too. Try as we might (I still ate about 4), we could not save them. Spritz with lemon? Better, but now just a tangy taste before the creamy green goo. Chilling in the fridge over night? No change, no cold and creamy.

In the end, we threw them out, consoling ourselves with the knowledge that at least we had our next Friday Fuck Up post.

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  • Molly December 19, 2008  

    That’s sad – every year, I go to the Austin City Limits Music Festival in Texas and look forward to one particular booth in the food court they have there. It’s from a local restaurant called Hudson’s on the Bend and they have – get this – Deep Fried Avocado Cones…It’s a tortilla, rolled kinda wrap-style with some slaw at the bottom with a few fried avocado wedges, and then some kind of spicy (chipotle maybe??) sauce drizzled on top. Tastiest thing EVER. I don’t know how they can do it, but they do….I look forward to those cones as much as I do the music, believe it or not…

  • BS December 19, 2008  

    oh that is so sad! they look goddamn beautiful and I was floored by the idea…I can’t believe they weren’t good – I’m actually getting mad

  • 80 Proof December 19, 2008  

    Interesting Molly. I knew there had to be someone out there doing this. Can always count on Texas when frying foods, or drinks. Time for an investigation…

  • El December 19, 2008  

    I’m wondering if you just left the avocados in chunks, instead of mashing into guac? I’ve put avocado in hot soup before and it holds up well, and doesn’t have weirdness due to heat. And it sounds like the TX yumminess is in larger pieces.

    Just a thought.

  • Clay December 19, 2008  

    Well it was a good try! At least they look lovely.

  • miked. December 19, 2008  

    you silly child, 80p. Anybody who started watching Nickelodeon during the Reagan years knows that green slime started on “you can’t do that on television”

  • gansie December 19, 2008  

    so depressing. i mean, how could avocado do this to me!

  • miked. December 19, 2008  

    i’m with el and molly–i bet it would be better to bread and fry avocado wedges–sorry gans, no feta that way. hot guac is bad news, as anyone who has tried to reheat their mexican food in the microwave without removing guac first has learned.

  • Liza December 19, 2008  

    yeah this really makes me sad – I’ve been looking foward to knowing the results of this wonderful idea!!! My thoughts are truly with you

  • lpkitten December 19, 2008  

    this makes me sad! i love your blog by the way!

  • Pingback: Friday Fuck Ups: The Quiche That Wasn’t April 24, 2009  
  • Charles May 13, 2010  

    Having just discovered that avocados might get my triglycerides & “bad” cholesterol down, I went and bought a dozen from my market which were very ripe, and very cheap (up in the great north woods, we pay up to $1.28/ea when they come in unripe, these were $0.29.)

    So my roomie comes home from night shift, and we decide to bake a pizza (frozen w/additives) and I’m looking at all these avocados and decide that the slices would be good on top of the pizza, and I proceed to lay them out an we bake the pizza.

    They stayed green and they tasted great, so I started looking for recipes and discovered that cooking avocados is a BAD idea. We must of gotten lucky.

    Then I discovered that you could freeze avocados after scooping them for up to 5 months, so I bought out the rest of the avocados.

    Now I had 50 avocados in my kitchen, and I was eating a couple a day, and trying to face the daunting task of slicing & scooping them…as they got riper.

    So I thought, I can at least speed up the washing process, and put them on the top rack of the washer, turning the faucet to cold and the “water heat” and “dryer heat” off, figuring that they’d get washed in the cold water & all I’d have to do is scoop & pack (still a daunting task–my first attempt made me feel I’d been in a fight with a bunch of greased piglets!)

    I looked up as it was in the rinse cycle to see steam pouring out of the dishwasher, so I stopped it, dumped them into cold water and put them out on the front porch in the 40-50 degree weather while I went to find out if I could save them.

    Well, the manual for the washer said that the minimum water heat was 120F incoming, so I figured that that was probably where it heated the water too. My roomie and I decided that they HAD to get at least that hot in the tropical sun, so I cut up one and it was great.

    But I still had to process them all, and those greased piglets were ever on my mind.

    The problem was that I was trying to put them in freezer bags, and had no way to hold the bag open, so I found a cottage cheese container which was about the size of the opening, cut the top 1″ off for a bag spreader, then found an old plastic container which was the right size to hold the quart bags I was freezing (4 avocado’s to the bag. Most Guacamole recipes seem to call for 2 and I’m a big guy.)

    I still wasn’t motivated, and I found that you can store them for 2-3 days in the refrigerator, and this time of year my porch is a refrigerator (other times it’s a deep freezer.)

    And tried to get motivated.

    Today I did them, and while I’ve had trouble finding information and pictures of the inside of a bad one, most were fine, some were questionable, and I tossed 2-3.

    Now I have enough frozen for a month at 2 or so a day, and early next month I’ll have my blood work done and see how it does.

    But even if they don’t work that well, we’ll still eat them, and they’re still delicious.

    And LOTS tougher than I’d expected.

  • zeke August 30, 2012  

    You screwed the pooch on this one… I seen fried avocado tacos on one of the food channels and gave it a try. Very very tasty. I was thinking of the ball thingy like you did and I can be assured they will not be a fuck up like what you are describing. Of course if you do not add the secret , all of your food will be a fuck up.

    I did a simple , slice of avocado , dipped in flour , egg wash, seasoned flour and into the frying pan with some Crisco. I could not stop eating them as they were coming out of the hot oil. Slapped a few slices into a heated corn tortilla and fed them to the girlfriend… she was asking for seconds and than gave me… well you know, a way to a girls heart is through her stomach.

  • Tracy April 25, 2013  

    I think you might have better luck if you ball the guacomole then freeze the balls. Once frozen apply your batter/breading refreeze then fry.

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