Endless Menus: An Elitist Thanksgiving
If you’re surely above eating hot dogs on Thanksgiving, and if you’re definitely not basting a turkey with Coke, you may be in the “I’m too good for Thanksgiving” camp. There are absolutely people out there that cook Tgiving-type meals every week. Ten courses for 20 people, peeleze! That’s cake. Here’s ES’ guide to a holier-than-thou day of thanks for our pretentious readers. We love you too.
To Start: Cheese Course
Sliced cheddar cheese—even if you milked the cow and curded the wheys (okay, not even sure if that’s right) yourself—will not do for an appetizer. You need something fit for royalty. Let me introduce you to fromage de Clon. A cheese so rare and regal, that it hasn’t been produced in 250 years. According to Gourmet,
Partly because of its saffron, partly because of its manufacture [lush green meadows of eastern France], Clon was uniquely esteemed and expensive. It appeared on the tables of Savoy and the kings of France and was found as far as the Vatican.
But then it mysteriously disappeared until just recently. Actually, its so trendy that you can’t even read Gourmet’s article online and if you google “fromage de Clon” you’ll mostly find French language sites. Or you can just call Europe for an order: 011-33-4-74-30-65-46. (Photo: Conseil général de l’Ain)
The Bird: Capon
An organic, free range, local turkey is simply not good enough for this discerning gastronome. No, it must be more than a bird favored by peasant America. Enter the capon. This rooster has been bred its whole life for a stately meal. A capon is castrated between 6-20 weeks, resulting in tender, plump flesh. And because they are not as active and therefore do not have the muscle mass of roosters, capons taste less gamey than the common bird. Order from your local farmers market. Better yet, make your pool boy do it. (Photo: Waspie Produce)
More ways to shame your guests into thinking you’re the shit…
On the Side: Ethical Foie Gras
You can feel slightly better about depriving your bird of its sexual organs by choosing to pair your fowl with foie gras. Yes, there’s now a touchy-feely way to eat goose liver, but be ready to pay.
Traditional foie gras is produced by gavage, which involves the insertion of a funnel down the throats of ducks or geese at feeding times to allow force-feeding in the weeks before slaughter.
Ethical foie gras, however, relies on the natural gorging instincts of free-range geese, which stuff themselves in fall and early winter to store fat for migration. As a result, ethical foie gras is only produced immediately following the gorging period, and in much smaller quantities than traditional foie gras.
But because this is a little-known practice with not many producers and even less takers, this will surely be a way to prove one’s eliteness at the table. Oh, and after your hangover subsides, write your legislature about this new method. (Photo: Vincent Ma)
Dessert: Sweet Potato Souffle
Nothing screams highfalutin than creating a knowledge barrier between host and guest. So confuse your friends and family by creating a dessert that sounds like it could be a vegetable side dish. And of course the food celeb that would bring you this ambiguous, yet extravagant, creation: Ms. Jailbird herself, Martha. (Photo: Martha Stewart)
Nightcap: Duvet Platinum Passion
This cocktail is truly a no-brainer, because you will obviously have on hand:
L’ésprit de Courvoisier (roughly $6,000/bottle), Ruinart champagne and a special syrup that uses passionfruit, forest berries, wildflower honey and brown sugar
Oh, and don’t forget to top it with an orchard, like the inventor, Brendan over at New York’s Duvet. Who needs a 100 year aged port when this sucker is way classier at a breezy $1,500. (Photo: Luxist)
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