Reliable Witness Avers: Gansie Likes Tofu Ice Cream

Editors Note: These are all lies! Maidelitala is a liar!

There are those of us doomed to a world devoid of cheese and ice cream – barred from relishing the sharp bite of a crumbly cheshire,  robbed of enjoying tongue curling licks of a lifetime of ice cream cones, forever cast into the listless monotony of lactose free nothingness.

We learn to compensate.  Those of us cast into Lactardia by a cruel twist of fate slowly discover somewhat adequate imitations that may ease the pain of longing. Science sometimes gives us what nature cannot. This I shared with you all in my post In Defense of Falsified Cheese (in which I discussed my admittedly tepid love affair with soya kas vegan “cheese” substitute).

But let’s face it, we wouldn’t eat these impostor products if we could stomach the real thing… would we?  I mean, would a person blessed with normal levels of the lactate enzyme in their intestinal tract (the presence of lactate is required for one to properly metabolize the lactose sugar) be enthralled by the taste of some knock-off non-dairy “ice cream” sandwich?  Apparently so – and her name is… Gansie! (that’s right the lady so enamored of dairy that she goes about frenching cows to show her appreciation – see photo in link.)

A true testament to the deliciousness that is the Tofutti Cutie (a vegan ice cream sandwich brand that comes in a variety of flavors), Gansie rushed from grudging resignation at having to try this tofu-derived treat, to all-out, bowled-over “oh-my-god-i-have-to-blog-about-this” zest!!

Cuties come in an assortment of flavors, including: Classic Vanilla, Chocolate, Cookies ‘n Cream, Totally Vanilla (the cookies are vanilla, as well as the frozen goodness inside), Chocolate Peanut Butter, Mint Chocolate Chip, Coffee Break, Wild Berry, Blueberry Wave, Strawberry Wave, Chocolate Wave, and Key Lime.

Now I’m not saying the treat is an exact match for the texture and general lucious tongue-curling bliss of real ice cream sandwiches, but the Tofutti Cutie kind of has it own special allure.  Certainly less rich and creamy than ice cream, the icey soy-derived filling is also firmer in texture and less given to dribbling.  The surrounding cookies, however, are perfectly collaborated doppelgangers for those affixed to real ice cream sandwiches, and the “cream” inside is faultlessly sweet, flawlessly flavored, and consummately cooling.

While some folks have damned this divine dessert for being chock full of additives, it is lower in fat and in sugar than a normal ice cream sandwich.   Besides, it’s a frackin delectable dessert meant to imitate another not-at-all-healthy tempting morsel!  It’s not going to be that good for you.  But it’s thoroughly worth indulging in from time to time, for lactards and the non-lactose-challenged alike.  Just ask Gansie.