Reliable Witness Avers: Gansie Likes Tofu Ice Cream


Editors Note: These are all lies! Maidelitala is a liar!

There are those of us doomed to a world devoid of cheese and ice cream – barred from relishing the sharp bite of a crumbly cheshire,  robbed of enjoying tongue curling licks of a lifetime of ice cream cones, forever cast into the listless monotony of lactose free nothingness.

We learn to compensate.  Those of us cast into Lactardia by a cruel twist of fate slowly discover somewhat adequate imitations that may ease the pain of longing. Science sometimes gives us what nature cannot. This I shared with you all in my post In Defense of Falsified Cheese (in which I discussed my admittedly tepid love affair with soya kas vegan “cheese” substitute).

But let’s face it, we wouldn’t eat these impostor products if we could stomach the real thing… would we?  I mean, would a person blessed with normal levels of the lactate enzyme in their intestinal tract (the presence of lactate is required for one to properly metabolize the lactose sugar) be enthralled by the taste of some knock-off non-dairy “ice cream” sandwich?  Apparently so – and her name is… Gansie! (that’s right the lady so enamored of dairy that she goes about frenching cows to show her appreciation – see photo in link.)

A true testament to the deliciousness that is the Tofutti Cutie (a vegan ice cream sandwich brand that comes in a variety of flavors), Gansie rushed from grudging resignation at having to try this tofu-derived treat, to all-out, bowled-over “oh-my-god-i-have-to-blog-about-this” zest!!

Cuties come in an assortment of flavors, including: Classic Vanilla, Chocolate, Cookies ‘n Cream, Totally Vanilla (the cookies are vanilla, as well as the frozen goodness inside), Chocolate Peanut Butter, Mint Chocolate Chip, Coffee Break, Wild Berry, Blueberry Wave, Strawberry Wave, Chocolate Wave, and Key Lime.

Now I’m not saying the treat is an exact match for the texture and general lucious tongue-curling bliss of real ice cream sandwiches, but the Tofutti Cutie kind of has it own special allure.  Certainly less rich and creamy than ice cream, the icey soy-derived filling is also firmer in texture and less given to dribbling.  The surrounding cookies, however, are perfectly collaborated doppelgangers for those affixed to real ice cream sandwiches, and the “cream” inside is faultlessly sweet, flawlessly flavored, and consummately cooling.

While some folks have damned this divine dessert for being chock full of additives, it is lower in fat and in sugar than a normal ice cream sandwich.   Besides, it’s a frackin delectable dessert meant to imitate another not-at-all-healthy tempting morsel!  It’s not going to be that good for you.  But it’s thoroughly worth indulging in from time to time, for lactards and the non-lactose-challenged alike.  Just ask Gansie.

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  • BS September 19, 2008  

    I have to confess – I have tasted, liked, even bought Tofutti Cuites…you’re two for two on this one, tofu.

  • gansie September 19, 2008  

    fine. they’re delicious.

  • JoeHoya September 19, 2008  

    Tofutti Cuties are definitely tasty, but I still prefer Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches…only 10 more calories and 6 more grams of sugar, but 4 fewer grams of fat and more protein and fiber.

    Plus they come in mint and chocolate/peanut butter!

  • Liza September 19, 2008  

    I was a lactard as a child, and I depended on Tofutti (yes tofutti “ice cream” did exist in the 80s) so I was delighted to see this child hood favorite back and in “cutie” form. (and because when I was little I thought Tofutti was a silly word and it made me laugh when I saw it again) I’m addicted!!!!

  • Maidelitala September 19, 2008  

    gansie, I’m gonna need some back story for that cow-kissing picture. I found it through a google image search of your name….

  • Maidelitala September 19, 2008  

    I used to eat Skinny cow ice cream sandwiches, back when my system didn’t go into all out rebellion when ingested a wee bit of lactose…. no longer…. sigh. Those are really tasty

  • Maidelitala September 19, 2008  

    any thoughts on the arguments against the cutie made by guerilla health watch? anyone opposed to the cutie because it’s so “unnatural”?

  • BS September 19, 2008  

    Actually it kinda pisses me off. I’ve been half-heartedly trying to avoid corn syrup lately (it’s really freaking hard). I mean, I buy these b/c they are healthy and taste good – but they are no ice cream. If these things are gonna kill me too, why not just eat Ben and Jerry’s?

  • Maidelitala September 19, 2008  

    But eating a sweet once in a while is not going to kill anyone…. it’s debatable whether it’s better for you than ice cream. I mean real homemade ice cream is basically whole milk and tons of sugar and flavoring. It depends on what health problem you are trying to avoid. If it’s heart disease/obesity: go with the cuties, free of cholesterol and they derive their fat from soy and corn, both naturally lower in saturated fat than dairy products. If it’s diabetes: cuties (less sugar). If it’s some unknown cancer caused by one of the ingredients in the cuties that we can’t pronounce: ice cream wins.

  • michelle @ TNS September 19, 2008  

    i…i kinda like those things. the chocolate kind, anyway.

  • again September 19, 2008  

    is the face in the picture hidden to obscure the identity of the witness? Loved this post.

  • sarabelle September 21, 2008  

    Lactardia! What a wonderful name for the suffering I’ve gone through over the last year with my curdled tummy. I have to say, my fave dairy free icecream is SO purely decadent coconut milk dairy free ice cream. so yummy. They also have lowfat so delicious ice cream sandwiches, you have to try them. Thanks gansie for addressing the needs of the lactose challenged! Any idea why people grow into lactose intolerance?

  • BS September 21, 2008  

    I just ate a vanilla tofutti cutie with peanut butter spread on one side. It was amazing.

  • WJS September 22, 2008  

    I’m confused as to why the girl in the picture appears to be in the process of ingesting the toffutti via her ear. I guess there’s nothing like a tofutti cutie wetwilly. Is that the reason for the rave reviews?

  • WJS September 22, 2008  

    sorry for the snark. I’ve never tried these things before, even though I keep seeing them in the yes organic near my house. I guess I’ll have to put aside my prejudice and actually try it.

  • Maidelitala September 22, 2008  

    I think the photo is a bit misleading. I don’t think the cutie is quite so close to the ear as the photograph make it appear. I take credit for the post but I blame Liza (and gansie) for photographic defects. Teehee sorry Liza (and gansie) 🙂

  • Elle September 23, 2008  

    she has great taste! although i have to agree with sarabelle that the coconut milk-based ice cream from so delicious rocks!

    have you all heard of there are a lot of places in the area with vegan cheese pizza listed on the menu. they’re also hosting a “Best Vegetarian Food” contest through the end of september

  • aaron austin September 24, 2008  

    shaina’s wearing a cute shirt!

  • Elaine September 24, 2008  

    I just bought chocolate, which is good, but the peanut butter ROCKS!!!

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