You Want Me to Put that WHERE?!?

Editors Note: As my friend Evo Diva is into biology and all that crazy science/animal shit, I’m not surprised that she sent me a meal consisting of shoving something up a chicken’s ass. I mean when you spend your days studying fish fucking, nothing can really bother you in the kitchen.

Since my usual weeknight meal consists of a salad, stir fry, or grilled cheese, I like to take Sunday to prepare a heartfelt home cooked meal. When searching the freezer last Sunday, I came across a small whole chicken desperately in need of cooking.

I had purchased this with the intent to shove it full of the usual stuffing and serve it with a side of mashed potatoes and gravy. But with the holidays only two months behind us, I was still sick of that typical fowl prep. With summer right around the corner, I was longing for a backyard with a grill but alas, not even a balcony adorns this condo in the burbs.

Needless to say, I was at a loss for how to cook this neglected bird. A call home to small-town Pennsylvania (where the public schools get a day off for the first day of deer hunting season) was in order. Mom suggested my dad’s newest specialty: “Now that we have an empty nest, you wouldn’t believe what we have time to do!”

Clean the bird as usual and cover with vegetable olive oil.

Pour out Drink 1/3 of a can of Old Milwaukee Miller Lite. Note: I completely emptied the Miller Lite and replaced with a more flavorful New Castle we had in the fridge (bottles don’t work in the oven – gotta pour it into the can!). This was a great excuse to have a good ol’ fashioned chugging contest with the boyf.

Season the bird with lemon pepper seasoning whatever you have around the house. I used fresh garlic and parsley, dried thyme, salt and pepper. Also place some of the herbs and spices into the beer can.

Shove that OPEN beer can right up into the bird and create a tripod with the legs so that the bird is standing upright in a roasting pan.

Grill Cook in oven for 90 minutes at 350° or until meat thermometer reads 180°.

And last but not least, don’t forget to take the can out of the bird…unless your dinner guests are goats…which is not unheard of in them-there parts where this dish is a delicacy.