March Madness: America’s Top 10 Drunk College Foods
With the NCAA basketball tournament tipping off this afternoon, America’s brightest young minds are poised to spend the next month doing what they do best: getting drunk and yelling at television screens. When all the blood, sweat, tears - and beer - are swept off the court, the nation’s 18 million college students will be left in search of one thing: some grease to soak it all up.
While you were finalizing your bracket picks, Endless Simmer carefully evaluated the tournament field to compile this list of the tournament’s Top 10 Colleges - ranked by the drunk food they have to offer their hungry, hungry students. Eat that, U.S. News and World Report.
10. University of Wisconsin - Mac ‘n Cheese Pizza
Photo: J&J Blog
Oh maaaan, I need some pizza. Cheesy pizza. Mmmm, cheese. No, wait, I want mac and cheese. Oooh! Pizza with mac and cheese on top! That’s what I want.
If you have ever said or heard a statement like this, you are almost certainly a drunk college student. Also, you probably live in Wisconsin.
The Badgers may have been dissed by the selection committee (29-4 can’t get you a no #2 seed??) but Wisconsin never was as good at sports as they are at creative use of cheese. Madison drunks flock to Ian’s Pizza for this gooey, magnificent creation that just couldn’t come from any other state.
9. Rutgers - Fat Darell
Photo: AP
Don Imus’ not-so-favorite team is back in the women’s tourney as a Number 2 seed, while the Rutgers men were sent packing after a miserable season at the bottom of the Big East.
But don’t feel too bad for the Scarlet Knights - they can always console themselves back on campus with a Jersey summer full of Fat Darrells, a behemoth of a sandwich that solves the drunk’s eternal dilemma of “Do I want chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, or French fries?”
The answer: a resounding “all three,” piled high on a sub role and topped off with marinara sauce. I’d tell you more about it but I’m a little short of breath and I feel a painful shooting sensation in my arm.
8. Purdue - The Duane Purvis All-American
Photo: Flick User Horsepj
You can be forgiven if you didn’t know the name of Purdue’s All-American half-back/full-back from their undefeated 1932 football team. But you should damn well know the burger that bears his name.
The Triple XXX Family Restaurant in West Lafayette, Indiana serves up this decidedly unwholesome Boilermaker classic: 100% sirloin patty with lettuce, tomato, pickle, Spanish onions, and….wait for it…peanut butter. Only a drunk or Elvis - perhaps only a drunk Elvis - could fully appreciate this brilliance.
7. University of San Diego - Filiberto’s Carne Asada Burrito
Photo: Flickr user buckofive
The San Diego Toreros may not be a household name - in fact, if you google the phrase University of San Diego team, the first hit is the school’s mock trial club. Scroll down to the bottom of the results page to find the bball squad, who shocked favorites Gonzaga and St. Mary’s to steal the WCC title and a berth in the big dance this year.
But that’s not what has these young fellows so excited; they’re just pumped up about this steak-filled beauty. USD students have shown the dirt cheap, gigantic burritos from Filiberto’s so much love that the chain has expanded to towns throughout Cali and Arizona, but U Study Drunk loyalists still swear by the original.
6. University of Pittsburgh - The South Side Slope
Photo: Roadfood.com
For some reason, Polish cuisine has never quite caught on in the United States. And that reason is the simple fact that it doesn’t come between two slices of bread.
Pitt saloon Fatheads has a solution to this problem, and its name is the South Side Slope. A giant kielbasa topped with fried pierogies, grilled onions, American cheese and something called horsey sauce. Don’t ask, just eat.
5. Clemson - The Super Taco Cuban Torta
Photo: Link
You might assume these fine young ladies and gentlemen are exited about the Clemson Tigers’ stunning upset of Duke in the ACC tournament, but actually, they just ordered Cuban tortas from campus fave Super Taco. I know what you’re saying - a taco place makes Cuban sandwiches? This doesn’t sound very genuine to me. Well stuff it, because genuine is not much of a concern when you are putting an effing hot dog on a Cuban sandwich.
The only thing this bad boy has in common with the o.g. Cuban is bread. A crapload of seasoned pork and ham is topped with a wiener for the least Kosher sandwich of all time. In case that’s not enough fat content for you, this monstrosity comes complete with sour cream, and just for good measure, lettuce and tomato.
4. Long Island University at Brooklyn - Something Different
Photo: A very drunk ES commenter
OK Fine, LIU-Brooklyn isn’t in the tournament this year. But they were the cinderella team a few years back, if I remember correctly.
And they are also the only school with the good sense to locate their campus across the street from Junior’s - the legendary Brooklyn institution that is home to a sandwich so genius it just might make bread obsolete.
The “Something Different” consists of two oversize potato latkes encasing a pile of beef brisket, served with both au jus and apple sauce, for the messiest dipping experience of your life. It’s glorious.
3. University of California at Berkeley - Lothlorien Food Orgy
Photo: College OTR
Lest you think drunken munching is limited to meat-eaters, Berkeley’s bacchanalian vegetarians are standing by to prove you wrong. The all-vegetarian Lothlorien House throws an annual festival of food and love so outrageous that it makes Big Ten frat blowouts look like children’s birthday parties. And the tasty treat in question is, um, you…and the girl next to you…and her sister…and her boyfriend…all covered in chocolate.
Documented details of this mythical rite are both scarce and seductive:
as articles of clothing drop, out comes melted chocolate, which gets poured upon everyone…
average hookups per person can reach double digits…
my armpit hair is all chocolated…must shower now.
Personally, I prefer a party with fewer mentions of pubic hair, but it sure sounds like a drunken, tasty good time.
2. Georgetown/American University - Jumbo Slice
Photo: Selidadsullivan
DC’s sizable fratboy and sorostitute population spend weekend evenings trolling the Adams Morgan nightlife/meat market scene, and no 18th Street bar crawl is complete without a 3 a.m stop for the legendary jumbo slice of pizza.
An actually-bigger-than-your-head mess of flimsy crust, oily cheese and cheap tomato sauce, this is one slice of pizza that couldn’t possibly look appetizing to anyone who has consumed fewer than a dozen beers. But if the timing - and alcohol consumption - is just right, jumbo slice is heaven on a paper plate (two plates, actually).
1. University of Georgia - The Luther Burger
Photo: Texas Burger Guy
The Atlanta metro area is a bastion of larger-than-life, Southern-fried deliciousness. But there’s one food that gives the Bulldogs a leg up on the 63 other teams in the big dance. As the sole tournament team from the Peach State, they’re the only students within driving (designated, please) distance of Mulligan’s Tavern, home to the original Luther Burger.
According to legend, the sandwich was created by the late great Luther Vandross, but the simple genius of the Luther Burger means you can assemble one anywhere in the country for your own drunken, sports-watching enjoyment. There are just four easy steps:
1- Slice a Krispy Kreme donut in half.
2- Grill the donut.
3- Place a delicious bacon cheeseburger in between your grilled donut bun.
4- Eat.
on March 20th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Pittsburgh sure does know how to do sandwiches. They also have Primanti Bros. where your sandwich comes with fries and slaw….in the sandwich.
I ate many of them in the wee hours of the morning….shhhh
on March 20th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Where is the love for Temple, St. Joes, or Villanova??? A local favorite served around these parts is a little piece a heaven called the “BarnYard” a cheese steak and a chicken cheese steak served with bacon and hot sauce. My favorite sandwich that has unfortunately taken 5 years off my life expectancy.
on March 20th, 2008 at 10:32 am
I’m sort of ashamed to admit I had a jumbo slice this weekend. Bright green drinks will do that to you.
on March 20th, 2008 at 10:49 am
As a resident and sometime-defender of the Main Line, I have to support SAG in his protest against the absence of the Philly schools, for the reason that you can also get a mac-and-cheese slice at Peace A Pizza, a Philly-area (and also apparently Florida?) pizza chain. I can only speak personally for the Bryn Mawr store, but their particular genius lies in the sharing of their building with Hope’s Cookies. Mac and Cheese pizza followed by a triple-chocolate cookie? Maybe a triple-chocolate cookie AND a snicker doodle? Yes, please.
Take that, Wisconsin.
on March 20th, 2008 at 11:21 am
i also liked, and i think tim would agree, the chicken fried grilled cheese from TD’s. three buttery pieces of texas toast, three different cheeses (cheddar, provolone, ???), and three deep fried chicken fingers. ranch dressing for dipping of course.
on March 20th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
where is the gut-box at fsu? this page is naked without a reference to guthrie’s and the crack sauce. not sure what is in the crack sauce, but man is it tasty. and if you place your dirty coins in it over night, they will be shiny and new the next day!
on March 20th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Brian, I’m shocked.
on March 20th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Where’s the love for Grilled Stickies from Penn State? Or ACME Pizza?
on March 20th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Massachusetts…home of Dunkin Donuts. Enough said.
on March 20th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
I second the grilled stickies!
on March 20th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
[…] Endless Simmer has a kick-ass post on the Top 10 Drunk College Foods. […]
on March 20th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
V Tech - save it for f’ball season, but you can grab a full smoked turkey leg on your way into the stadium from the beer (and vomit) soaked tailgate spot.
on March 20th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Agreed with Ramona — Primanti’s is a much more appropriate choice. It’s actually on the Pitt campus as opposed to in the South Side, 15 or so minutes away by bus/car, like Fathead’s.
on March 20th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Wow - all I want is fatty fried food right now - with a Large Mr. Pibb. I wish I liked basketball more!
on March 20th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
beer me a fat darell, big tuna
on March 20th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
give me a jumbo slice, any day.
on March 20th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Yes on jumbo slice, but Georgetown/American/GW!!!
on March 20th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
I have a healthy(?) respect for the Jumbo Slice, but it’s not the quintessential Georgetown drunk food.
As a former Hoya, I can tell you we swear by the Chicken Madness and Burger Madness at Wisemiller’s, just off of campus. The Chicken Madness features chunks of chicken breast, provolone cheese, onions and peppers on a sub roll with mayo and spices (definitely some cayenne pepper in there). The Burger Madness has two hamburger patties and American cheese.
Either one is head and shoulders above offerings from the Philadelphia Cheesesteak Factory (aka Filthy Cheese).
on March 20th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Ever been to the UB campus in Buffalo, NY? Right across the street you got Amy’s Place. It’s not open late so it’s more for the hangover. Go for Veggie Wet Shoes! Lentils, hot sauce, chopped onion, garlic and tomato over a mound of curly fries with sour cream on top!
on March 20th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
JH, you know I love you right, but I have to say: the chicken madness is over rated.
on March 20th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Wow. pure madness Gansie. That’s a damn good sandwich.
on March 21st, 2008 at 7:55 am
As a fomer ‘burgher stuck in florida (hence the Guthrie’s/FSU reference) I must say Primaniti’s is good, but the only reason it made the list over Peppi’s is because it is open late. Hit Peppi’s in the strip after happy hour and get yourself a cheesesteak and fries. Not to mention, it is the home of the Roethlisberger. And my cousin is co-owner…shameless plug!
on March 21st, 2008 at 9:22 am
I have little love for G-Town, but the Chicken Madness is a quality sandwich, I don’t think this is even really up for debate.
on March 21st, 2008 at 10:46 am
You watch your God Damn mouth about Philadelphia Cheesesteak Factory. Their Italian Grinder is the one of the best sandwichs to be had in Washington, DC.
on March 21st, 2008 at 12:00 pm
PJ’s in Columbus on the OSU campus has the best drunk food ever created in their line of “fat subs” my personal favorite is the fat bitch - chicken fingers, hot sauce, jalapeno poppers, fries, ranch and bacon
on March 21st, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Did ACME pizza reopen at PSU??? They closed down when I was there because of some stupid law. That place was the greatest!!!!
on March 21st, 2008 at 2:06 pm
What are those USD students thinking? Any Carne Asadaophine worth a damn knows that JVs is closer to the USD campus and far superior. Personally, I go for the Tex Mex wet burrito- A glorious buritto with ground beef, fries, sour cream, and spanish rice inside and topped with enchilada sauce.
on March 21st, 2008 at 2:25 pm
As far as Clemson drunk food is concerned, it all begins and ends at the Dank Dogs cart. As good as Super Taco is, (and it is fucking great) it isn’t open late; Dank Dogs however is only open during drinking hours. Hotdog topped with chili, cheese and fucking Fritos. I challenge you to find any drunk who could pass that up. It’s impossible
on March 21st, 2008 at 2:26 pm
UC Berkeley’s veggie food orgy is nothing new. Long ago, before the current generation of college kids was born, a group of friends in Atlanta would get together for thematic feasts. The potato feast was all things potato (Honestly, the things we imagined doing with taters has to be counted in the spuds-per-Idaho category.). No utensils were provided (or allowed). All in attendance were encouraged to use their appendages to feed themselves and others. The Polish vodka definitely contributed to the memorable success of that evening (and the next morning).
on March 21st, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Wisconsin still has the best drunk food because they still have the most drunks, rated top binge drinking school by Maxim Mag. Deep fried cheese, brats and warm miller light… love it….
on March 22nd, 2008 at 3:46 am
For all the time I was in Tally, I never experienced the joys of drunken Guthrie’s, but you can’t mention drunken foods without talking about Gumby’s and their Pokey Sticks. Heavenly x 1,000!
on March 22nd, 2008 at 9:42 am
As a neighborhood resident, I am sorry to report that Mulligan’s has gone out of business. Hope you got one while they were hot.
on March 22nd, 2008 at 10:29 am
Time Out! Restaurant in Chapel Hill, NC. Serves a bucket of bones which is basically the leftovers from ripping out chicken breasts to make chicken biscuits. Knew some guys who would regularly jump behind the counter and start serving people to speed things up. Once, when a fellow patron got rowdy, they threw him through the plate glass windows on the front of the place. Now that’s the kind of joint to go to when you’re drunk.
on March 22nd, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Time Out is also famous for the Chicken and Cheese. An oversize biscuit….cut up fried chicken (as per the previous poster…and then drizzled with cheddar cheese. Nice.
on March 22nd, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Umm….Monmouth University: Windmill hot dog and cheese fries. ‘Nuff said.
on March 23rd, 2008 at 11:36 pm
oh, an by the way…i was 100% sober when i took that picture of the ’something different.’
on March 24th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Where are all the people from the Midwest? Most if not all big ten schools have the Burrito as big as your head…La Bamba’s, open from 11 am til the bars close…great burritos at 2 am…nothing beats em….some MVC towns (i.e. bloomington/normal) have 2 locations, one at each bar strip…
on March 24th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Although I love this list, I have to say that it is really in the eye of the beholder. Everyone is going to defend his or her school as having a top ten eat. Btu tahts the beauty of it, getting the dialogue about really fattening college food going. And when that happens ,everyone wins.
Therefore I humbly submit my own entrants:
The Cheeseburger sub at Ted’s grinders, University of Connecticut
A foot long grinder packed to the gills with about 5 cheeseburger patties. Sure its not as gimmicky as a donut cheeseburger (and honestly, who wants to eat a donut with a cheeseburger?) , but at 1 AM after rolling out of Ted’s bar upstairs, it is truly a lifesaver.
And as someone who can appreciate the size of the jumbo slice, I think you nailed it on the head as to why it doesn’t deserve to be on there:
“flimsy crust, oily cheese and cheap tomato sauce”
Which is why Yale University’s Pepe’s Pizza gets my vote. It’s technically right OFF campus by about a block, but as it’s the greatest pizza known to man, it makes the cut for me.
on March 24th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
The place that sells the “Luther” also sells what I think is a much more superior meal:
The hamdog. A hot dog wrapped inside a beef patty, deep fried, covered with chili, cheese and onions, and served on a hoagie roll topped with a fried egg and french fries.
on March 24th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
paula deen has a luther burger variant that includes a fried egg. i’m not joking. http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_127127,00.html
on March 24th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Bravo. If there was anyone who could out-fat the Luther Burger, it was Paula D.
on March 30th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
you missed university of virginia’s gus burger (from white spot). granted, we can’t make any sort of basketball tournament, but we can throw a fried egg on a burger and make it delicious.
on April 3rd, 2008 at 10:34 am
[…] news for those of you still down in the doldrums about effing up your NCAA pools (aside: I don’t care if you did pick all four number one seeds, that was a wuss move and you […]
on April 10th, 2008 at 8:08 am
In the DC Metro Area, there are a few staples for me…
- Steak ‘N Eggs in Tenleytown… Nothing beats a heart-attack on a plate, and this place has plenty to offer in that regard. No dish specifically, just the restaurant in general.
&
- Disco Fries from Broadway Diner in Rockville. These things put just about anything to shame… I don’t know what it is about them. They’re gooey, salty, cheesy, and a huge mess of oh-so-goodness. Mmmmmm.
on May 14th, 2008 at 7:02 am
[…] get creative. If it wasn’t for drinking at home, there would surely be no such thing as the Luther Burger. Here’s just a small sampling of foods that were invented during the prohibition […]