Have Your p.i.n.k., And Drink it Too

Editor’s Note: Our friend 30 Minute Abs is a recently minted lawyer who makes no claims about the legality of statements made on this site; even the ones typed by his own two hands. He likes his food the way he likes his men: sharp, spicy, and adventurous. Here’s 30MA on a drink so trendy, it needs 4 punctuation marks.

I spend a significant amount of my time entertaining the DC Mafia. And while these people come with their perks, they can also be quite demanding. In an effort to maintain their healthy sex lives, they prefer their cocktails to be as low in sugar and calories as possible. Not an easy feat I assure you.

This quest to keep the boys happy eventually led me to a new vodka curiously named, p.i.n.k. As the label proclaims, p.i.n.k. is “the world’s perfect party spirit.” Sounds promising. To be more specific, p.i.n.k. is “flawlessly infused with caffeine and guarana.” What the hell is guarana you ask? An excellent question! According to the most reliable resource in existence, Wikipedia, guarana is a climbing plant native to the Amazon basin which produces a fruit the size of a “coffee berry.” Each fruit contains one seed which holds approximately three times more caffeine than a coffee bean. In addition to its stimulative effects, guarana has been found to contribute to weight loss, increased memory retention, and a reduced risk of stroke and heart attack. Brilliant!

So we have this amazing elixir which gets one drunk, high, and causes weight loss, but what exactly is the best way to drink it?

Answers post-jump.

Well, according to one member of the DC Mafia, the most efficient use of one’s time and calories is to simply shoot it. This can most pleasantly be accomplished either by keeping p.i.n.k. in the freezer or simply using a shaker. I recommend the shaker.

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The next option is with soda. This combination is surprisingly refreshing and drinkable. My suggestion would be a 50/50 mix with lots of rocks in an “old-fashioned glass.”

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Now, this is where it gets interesting. Out of an endless need for thrill and adventure, we also decided to try the p.i.n.k. cosmo and the p.i.n.k. mojito (directions come with the bottle.)

p.i.n.k. mojito

This drink ended up the more popular, but probably more challenging of the two drinks.

1 ½ oz of p.i.n.k. vodka

1 teaspoon sugar

Splash of Soda

1 oz of lime juice

Splash of cranberry juice

5 mint leaves

Muddle the mint leaves, the lime juice, and the sugar in the bottom of a “highball glass.” Then add the ice and the vodka, and splashes of cranberry juice and soda on top.

Although this drink was decently popular among the Mafia, a few notes:

1. We found this was best accomplished with pre-packaged lime juice instead of fresh limes.
2. The recipe would work better with a solid drizzle of simple syrup instead of the sugar.
3. Don’t be shy with the simple syrup.

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p.i.n.k. cosmo

Surprisingly, the Mafia was not as big of a fan of this drink, but this too could be perfected with a few minor adjustments.

1 2/3 oz of p.i.n.k. vodka

1/3 oz of Cointreau

1/3 oz of Cranberry Juice

1/3 oz of lime juice

Pour all ingredients into a shaker with ice. Shake. Strain into a “cocktail glass.” Garnish with a lime.

And the notes:

1. Again, this recipe would likely work better with pre-packed lime juice instead of fresh limes.
2. Try adding a 1/3 oz of Triple Sec if you like your cosmos sweet.
3. Be sure not to add too much Cranberry Juice and lime juice, the balance is a bit delicate.

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Well, despite the trouble with the “specialty cocktails” the Mafia genuinely enjoyed this drinkable, if expensive, new libation. My advice is to keep it simple: p.i.n.k., soda, and some ice. And given the impressive side effects of guarana, I’m sure this is just another pink the Mafia will be happy to add to their collection.